You're going to be ok

If you have ever lost someone you truly love, ever had your heart broken, ever struggled through a bitter divorce, put up your hand. If you have ever lived through a natural disaster, been bullied, or been retrenched, put up your hand. If you or anyone you love has had to deal with Alzheimer’s, dementia, some form of physical impairment or suicide, put up your hand.

If we were all together in a room, chances are every single person would have their hand up.

What does that show us? Adversity does not discriminate. If you are alive, you are going to have to, or you have already had to, deal with some tough times.

What if the goal of life is not to seek peace and contentment, but rather to build resilience through the many challenges we will inevitably face along the way?

Social media can trick you into believing everyone else is living an Instagram life. It is simply not true. On some level, each and every one of us are dealing with some kind of struggle. Understanding that you are not alone will stop the hand wringing “Why me?” that people often resort to when faced with a challenge. Instead of “Why me”, reframe it to “Why not me?”

But how?

1. Train your brain to look for the good in every situation

We are hard wired from an evolutionary perspective to look for the bad in every situation. If you were to skip out of your cave on a lovely summer’s day and there was a rainbow on your left and a sabre tooth tiger on your right, best you notice that sabre tooth tiger otherwise no more rainbows for you. Not ever!

While that kind of thinking is useful when you are in mortal danger, it is not that helpful in our day to day lives. Think of the last time you received a compliment? And then the last time you were criticised? Chances are the criticism was a LOT easier to retrieve than the compliment!

The good news is you can train your brain to focus on the good. Keep a Gratitude Journal and at the end of every day, write down three things you are grateful for. It could be as small as a hot cup of coffee, the sun on your face when you went for a walk, hearing the birds chirp outside your window. Over time, this will train your brain to focus on the good. Side effect? More joy and peace.

2. Ask yourself "Is this harming me or helping me?"

This is an incredibly powerful technique. Then next time you find yourself scrolling mindlessly through the news or social media, stop and ask yourself “Is this harming me, or helping me?”

This technique has saved me many times just this this week with all the shocking news swirling around in South Africa. The news will drag you down the rabbit hole of fear and negativity in an instant. Stop and ask yourself “is scrolling through my twitter feed/news feed watching all these videos of chaos and destruction harming me or helping me?”

It can be used in any application:

• The next time you reach for that third glass of wine, stop and ask yourself “is this harming me or helping me?”

• When you turn off the alarm that woke you for your morning run and roll over to snuggle back under the covers, ask yourself “is this harming me or helping me?”

• When your brain gets stuck on repeat about “why me?” - “Is this harming me or helping me?”

This simple question stops the negative thinking and potentially destructive behavior in its tracks. Give it a try today and every day. You’ll thank me for it!

Take care of your precious selves during these insanely stressful days.

You are going to be OK.